Greetings to you in the name of our most amazing God! The weather here has been nothing but rain for almost four days now. I wouldn't care except I am tired of all the puddles covering every sidewalk and the fact it is interfering with softball. Other than that I do not mind the rain. This morning a clap of thunder louder than I think I have ever heard boomed out from what sounded like directly above the dorms at 6, waking everyone up.
We had our last pre-vicarage meeting last night and Dr. Neilson was having a blast giving the first few hints out to some people. He told me I didn't need a plane ticket to get to mine so I am pretty sure Hawaii is out. Other than that he didn't give me any other hints. However, just hearing him talk about knowing where we are going made it seem more real than ever. It took me two hours to fall asleep last night as I laid awake in excitement and anxiety thinking about where I could end up. I am trying to stay focused on studies and just life in general for the next two weeks, but it is getting harder and harder.
My thought for the day today comes from a topic with which I have been struggling recently. We have been translating Revelation for my Lectionary class. Then in Matthew class we have also been talking about Jesus' predictions for the end of times. However, also during this time we have been discussing how and why Jesus came the first time. Focusing in on these two things at the same time made me realize something for the first time. See the Pharisees and scribes were the faithful leaders of the temple at that time. They studied scripture, taught scripture, and were very strong in their religious beliefs. They had dedicated their lives to trying to be as faithful as best as they knew how. And through this deep study and meditation they built up in their minds an expectation of what it would be like when God sent the Messiah. They expected Him to send a king in the full glory and power. A king who would come defeat all enemies and save the chosen people. However, when Jesus came, He did do these things, but He did not do them in the way they had expected. He was their king, He did defeat their enemies, and did save His chosen people. However, he was born in a stable, not a palace. He defeated the enemies of sin, death, and the devil not the surrounding countries who had oppressed the people, and He saved His people through the resurrection and the hope of life everlasting. The point is these men who had dedicated their lives to knowing God's Word did not accept Jesus because He did not match their expectations. They were just trying to be faithful, but their faithful stubbornness ended up killing the true Messiah. So who is to say we wont do this too? Who is to say I wont do this? I have spent the last several years of my lie growing deeply in the Word of God. I have dedicated my life to trying my hardest to be faithful to Him and to learn and study, teach and preach His Word and His will. And in doing so I have learned expectations of His second coming. You know we study Revelation and we do build up these expectations in our minds of how He is going to come the second time. So what happens if He comes the second time just like He did the first time? What if He comes in a way we do not expect because it's His way and not ours? What if I am the next generation of Pharisees who wants Him killed because in my faithful stubbornness I deny Him as the one who is sent from God? The thought of this scared the living you know what out of me. And the more I thought about it and let it bounce around in my mind, the more fearful I got. So I couldn't take it anymore and after class I asked Dr. Gibbs about it. I actually waited around after class but he was talking to other people so I just left and told myself to let it go. However, Dr. Gibbs was walking behind me and asked me if I had wanted to talk about something, so we ended up having the discussion. I explained to him all of this I had been struggling with and all that had been going through my mind. We believe when Christ comes again that every knee will bow and every tongue will confess Him as Lord and there really will not be the option to deny Him. We have this idea of trumpets being sounded and Him coming down on the clouds and that is it. It's done and over. The sheep will be on the right and the goats will be on the left and we really have no active part in it other than praising Him and being thankful for His coming. But again my thoughts go back to the fact that the Pharisees thought the Messiah would be this grand glorious king the first time too. Then my mind goes to the fact that He tells us there will be false prophets and anti-christs claiming to be the one true Christ. So we do have to be skeptical and concerning to make sure we are not led astray by these false ones. I told all of this to Dr. Gibbs and he told me it sounds like I have received a spirit of humility. In other words, if we start to believe we cannot be wrong, we might be stubborn as the Pharisees and stick to our own expectations instead of realizing it is actually Him. These are not the exact words Dr. Gibbs used and the way he said it was much better than how I am paraphrasing it here. However, just talking about it with him and hearing his positive attitude really calmed me down. I told him my slim amount of comfort is that the Spirit will be present in the heart of the elect to accept Him as the Christ when He comes again no matter how He comes. He agreed with me and confirmed that this is when the doctrine of the elect is comforting. So what I learned is that we can never start to think we know everything and while we have to be sound in our beliefs, we have to be humble in the fact that we can and will be wrong at times. We continue to study and learn His Word and we do grow deeper and stronger in our faith. We pray that the Spirit is ever with us and guiding us. Then when we have moments of anxiety or doubt we have brothers and sisters in Christ to turn to for comfort and strengthening. Most importantly, we have prayer to always turn to and ask God Himself that no matter when He comes and no matter how He comes, that we may be His faithful children who will accept and follow Him as our King and Lord and remain steadfast to Him alone.
After I talked about this with Dr. Gibbs, I came back to the dorms and as I was walking into my room I was overcome with this feeling of just comfort and awe. It just made me realize how amazing our God is that even during times when we are struggling He does not leave us alone, but gives us support and comfort in various ways, including those around us. We cannot sing our praises loud enough for all He has done for us and continues to do each and every day. This fearful struggle truly was a humbling thing and yet it is comforting at the same time. All praise be to Him who is our living and reigning King, active in our lives each and every day in more ways than we will ever know.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you so much for not leaving us alone but giving us support and strength in each other as the one body of Your church. Be with each of us, that at times of struggle or wondering, You may give us Your Word and Your comfort. Help us to grow closer to You and know You are always with us, watching over us, and protecting us. Give us Your Spirit so that we may never stray from You but remain in Your faith and love at all times. In the name of Your Son, who lives and reigns with You and the Spirit, one God, now and forever more. Amen.
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